7 Tips on How to Cope with Being Emotionally Invalidated by Your Asian Parents
Growing up in an Asian household can be a beautiful experience filled with rich traditions, good food, and strong family bonds. But let’s be real – it can also be incredibly tough, especially when your feelings are constantly brushed aside. If you’re struggling with emotional invalidation from your Asian parents, you’re not alone.
Understanding Emotional Invalidation in Asian Culture
First, let’s talk about why this happens. In many Asian families, the collective good often outweighs individual needs. Your parents might be all about keeping the peace and upholding family honor, sometimes at the cost of your emotional well-being.
Collectivism Over Individualism: Asian culture often emphasizes the group over the individual. So when you feel like your emotions are being dismissed, it might be because your parents are focusing on what they think is best for the family as a whole.
Respecting Elders: Respect for elders is huge in Asian culture. Challenging your parents can feel like you’re disrespecting them, which is a big no-no. This makes it hard to express your feelings and get the validation you crave.
The Stoic Approach: Many of us were taught to toughen up and keep our emotions in check. Showing feelings might be seen as weakness, so your parents might think they’re helping you by encouraging stoicism.
These values and practices, though intended for the collective good, can cause individual harm. As Asian Americans, we often find ourselves navigating between two worlds, which naturally creates tension between prioritizing ourselves and caring for our families. So how can we integrate both worlds?
Here are 7 tips to help you cope with being emotionally invalidated by your Asian parents:
Get the Cultural Context: Understanding why your parents act this way can be a game-changer. It doesn’t make it right, but it helps you see that it’s not necessarily about them not loving you.
Find Your Support Network: Look for support outside the family. Friends, mentors, or a good therapist (wink, wink) can offer the validation and support you need. Sometimes, just talking to someone who gets it can be a huge relief.
Speak Up, Respectfully: It’s tricky, but try to talk to your parents about your needs. Use “I” statements to keep things from sounding like blame. For example, “I feel really upset when my feelings are ignored, and I need more support from you.”
Educate and Share: Learn about emotional health and why it’s important. If you can, share this with your parents. They might not realize how their actions affect you and could be open to change.
Validate Yourself: This is crucial. Learn to give yourself the validation you might not get from your parents. Acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself that it’s okay to feel the way you do. Journaling, mindfulness, and positive self-talk can help.
Set Boundaries: Boundaries are your best friend. Politely but firmly set limits on what you will tolerate. This might mean stepping away from conversations that leave you feeling invalidated.
Self-Care, Baby: Take care of yourself. Find activities that make you happy and reduce stress. Whether it’s yoga, a hobby, or just binge-watching your favorite show, make time for what nourishes your soul.
Conclusion
Dealing with emotional invalidation from Asian parents isn’t easy, but you’re not alone. By understanding the cultural backdrop, seeking out support, and learning to validate yourself, you can start to heal and build healthier relationships. Remember, your feelings matter, and taking care of your emotional health is not selfish – it’s essential.
So go on, be kind to yourself and set those boundaries. You’ve got this!
With love and a bit of sass, your Sassy Asian Therapist
Feeling caught between the expectations of your cultural heritage and your personal needs as an Asian American? Therapy can be your safe space to explore these complexities with understanding and support. Whether you're navigating emotional invalidation from family or seeking to establish healthier boundaries, therapy offers a confidential place to heal and grow. Take the first step towards reclaiming your emotional health and building more fulfilling relationships!
