So you have a TikTok Therapist.

Can I be honest with you? I feel some type of way about tik tok therapists (which is why I really hesitated to start my IG account). Ok I get that talking about mental health on social media can destigmatize it as well as make mental health more accessible. However, is making accessible decontextualized information, not-truly anti-oppressive or trauma informed “tips” (even though they claim they are trauma-informed), and just straight up bad advice a good thing? No shade on the therapists, I’ve probably made a few blunders myself— but we need to really consider how moving mental health onto a social media platform (with info condensed to a short post/video) + capitalism + some therapists wanting to be influencers, will affect the type and quality of mental health information out there.

Also, there is something about the nature of being on an online platform that depersonalizes mental health. The instant nature of these quick tips actually reinforce the notion that mental health can be a quick fix and is instant. Additionally, hooks like “5 signs you have anxiety” or “if you do X, you may be Y”, or “signs that you dated an narcissist” contribute to a culture that overpathologizes. These titles are meant to hook the viewer in, and they don’t paint a complete picture of the issues. It also takes these issues out of context. This is a problem when therapists or coaches don’t understand how capitalism and the business side warps the nature of what mental health is supposed to be.

Also, when therapists put tips out there, they are thinking about a specific type of client—these tips do not work for everyone. For example, if a therapists puts it out there that deep breathing is the only way to relax, someone who has a background of trauma (say sexual) who was told to relax and just breathe while they are being assaulted can be very triggered. Additionally, messages can be interpreted in different ways and often times, if the therapist does not address issues from all angles, information is misconstrued and may even cause harm.

One big misconception I see is when people who think that “feelings are valid” to mean “feelings are fact”— and use that to justify unhealthy behavior (ie, when someone believes that because they are angry/sad/whatever, whatever triggered those feelings must be true.. Kevin says he feels abandoned so it must be true that the Joe abandoned him—sidenote: “abandoned” is not a feeling. And when Joe says that he did not abandon him, Kevin accuses him of gaslighting his feelings. Kevin then cuts Joe off because he believes their relationship is now “toxic”.) In that example, there is a gross misunderstanding of what feelings are and what triggers feelings. Feelings are triggered by thoughts. And those thoughts are based on our perceptions, sometimes true or untrue. But when someone believes their feelings to be facts, they automatically assume the thoughts that trigger those feelings to be facts as well. Feelings are valid based on the way you perceived, but sometimes, our perceptions may not always be accurate.

Problems arise when personality disorders come into the mix. People with personality disorders are “egosyntonic” meaning the person does not see anything faulty with their worldview whereas a egodystonic person understands that maybe they are not perceiving things correctly which is why they are distressed. When people who are egosyntonic take mental health advice at face value, there maybe nothing wrong with the advice, but because they are “egosyntonic” and don’t see any fault in their way of perceiving, they can actually use mental health advice to justify their way of problematic thinking.

This is why I hesitate to put out mental health tips on my social media platform because I don’t know who is on the receiving end and what they experienced, genetics, etc that shape their perception of themselves, the world, and others. I don’t feel like quick tips are trauma-informed—and they only target the behavioral side of mental health (coping) which can help ameliorate symptoms, but only to a certain extent. What therapy really is is going deep beneath the surface, targeting the root of internalized beliefs that cause symptoms. While coping skills are a good start, that is not the bulk of what therapy is.

My goal on my platform is to help individuals deconstruct their understanding of themselves, their thoughts, beliefs, and patterns and how they intersect with their racial/cultural identity. Rather than help you cope with certain things, I seek to help you understand why you may do the things you do. In helping you better understand behaviors and beliefs, I hope to help you gain more compassion towards and acceptance of yourself. While much mental health talk revolves around pathologizing and making people feel like there’s something wrong with them, my aim is almost the opposite—it is to help you see that there’s nothing wrong with you, that your behavior makes sense based on the context and situation you are/were in, and that you did the best you could with what you had.

My advice to you is to be careful of following any advice that boxes you in, that encourages black and white thinking (“if you do this, then you’re this”), or absolute languaging. Always keep in mind that there is always more to the story and that mental health healing is different for everyone. Don’t rely on tiktok therapists to be your source of mental health info. And actually seek your own therapy so you can have your own individualized support.

And that’s the end of my rant for me. Going to go post on IG now, bye!